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When Buffy awakened next,
the sun had risen and she felt remarkably relaxed. Carefully moving away from
Angel, she rose from the bed and grabbed some work out clothes before heading
for the shower.
Freshly showered and
wearing a sports tank and bicycle shorts, she returned to her bedroom to find a
scrunchy for her wet hair. Digging into her top drawer, she found her journal
and her fingers froze.
As the Slayer she
dutifully had been entering every encounter with vampires and other assorted bad
guys, as a sort of morning after meditation technique. The knowledge that no one
would read her journals until after her death had freed her to write about her
encounters with Angel.
Slowly drawing the book
out of the drawer, Buffy silently headed down to the kitchen to make some
coffee.
*****
Sitting at the kitchen
counter, Buffy opened the journal to jot down the previous night's
events--vampires killed, vampire fucked--but she found herself flipping back
through the brief entries. Stopping at the one dealing with the agreement
between Angel and herself, she started to read.
'X found out about W and
S last night--totally freaked out. God, they make an adorable couple and S told
her he loved her. She freaked out too, which was kinda cute. After they made me
rather nauseous with all the cooing and dancing, I went on patrol. Found A. Had
words. I wore my new wonder bra which he totally destroyed. Let him do me in the
ass so I could do him.'
Buffy winced at the
harshness of her own writing and prayed that she really would be dead before
anyone else read this.
'Angel agreed if I agreed
to take down the cross from my window. I did. He spent the night. Woke up before
dawn and we fucked, then he "fed me breakfast". Damn, he's crude. Made
me feel like a piece of shit.'
Taking a sip of coffee,
Buffy shivered and skipped ahead to the next encounter with Angel.
'Patrol was uneventful.
Came home and found A waiting for me. He grabbed me, ripped off my dress and
flung me onto my stomach on the bed. I fought back and he...'
~~~~~
"Wha...?" Buffy
moaned, trying to roll over on her bed, her arms stinging from where he had
jerked the dress off her. Growling, Angel pinned her down by straddling her
back. She could feel his erection pressing against her as he leaned down to
catch the nape of her neck between his teeth.
"A little lesson in
submission, bitch. Where were you for the last two nights?" he growled in
her ear.
Shivering, Buffy tried to
buck him off her. "Willow's. We...we were studying."
"Last night
too?"
Last night...the foursome
with Willow, Spike and Cordy. Buffy had showered carefully, erasing all hint
that she had been with a man, before heading home. "Yes...late. I must have
just missed you," she cried, lamely, still squirming.
Angel grabbed her hair
and jerked her head up, making her cry out. "Until four in the
morning?"
"We fell
asleep."
He smashed her face down
into the bedding, his hand wrapped around the back of her neck. "You'll
fucking be here every night, slut."
Buffy thrashed, her hand
reaching back to try to free herself as she choked for breath.
Finally Angel let her go
and rose from the bed. Gasping and coughing, Buffy turned onto her side, rapidly
blinking her eyes to clear them of spots.
"Strip," he
ordered in an ugly voice.
Trembling from head to
toe, Buffy managed to sit up and pulled off the remains of her dress, then
unhooked her bra and slid it down her arms. Wriggling out of her panties, she
glanced up at him and saw him taking off his thick leather belt.
"My mom..." She
bit her lower lip, her eyes wide and full of fear.
"Isn't here and
won't be back until midnight. There's a message on the machine. She went to a
movie with a friend," he replied in a clipped voice, then looked up at her.
His eyes were narrowed, his lips tight and angry. He was really furious at being
denied access to her.
Kneeling at the foot of
her bed, Angel pulled a heavy canvas bag out from underneath and opened it.
"On your back, bitch, now."
At his clipped tone of
voice, Buffy found herself struggling to obey. She really wanted to flee the
room or at least to put up a fight.
But she didn't want to
die.
Slowly she lay back on
the bed, resting her head on her pillow.
Angel rose to his feet
and Buffy winced at the sight of the handcuffs and long pieces of rope he held.
"Remember these?" Dropping the rope at her feet, he grabbed her wrists
and handcuffed them together, through the headboard, stretching her arms over
her head.
"You don't need to
tie me down," she said in a small voice.
"Oh, I think I
do." Turning, he grabbed one ankle and lashed it tightly to the bed leg,
then did the same to her other ankle, spreading her legs wide open.
Buffy paled, then blushed
furiously as she watched him gaze down at her with his cold, hard eyes.
Picking up the belt,
Angel trailed it down her body, the buckle end teasing her flinching flesh.
"If you hadn't been here tonight...tomorrow this would have been my
favorite bull whip. I would so love to see you bleed..." Bending over the
bedside table, Angel switched on the radio, turning the sound up, then moved to
the window and closed it. "Scream all you want, whore. No one will hear
you."
"Angel,
please..."
Growling, he cracked the
belt down across her thighs, buckle first and Buffy jerked and yelled at the
deep, stinging pain. "I'm not Angel." The belt hit her across her
breasts next and tears flooded from her eyes. She could see the nasty red mark
the buckle left on her golden flesh.
Another blow, this one
across her stomach, then another catching her nipples, left her sobbing brokenly
and pulling desperately on her bonds.
Angel hit her several
more times until ugly red welts covered her from shoulders to knees. Each blow
brought a whimper or cry of pain and another futile struggle against her bonds
Dropping the belt,
looking down on her bruised and shaking body, Angel began to unfasten his pants,
his body eager to punish her in the oldest way known to both man and demon.
Panting and crying Buffy
forced her eyes open and saw him undressing. Twisting her body, she felt the
ropes cut into her ankles and winced at the new pain in her throbbing body.
Brokenly she sobbed, "You didn't need to do that. I belong to you. I know
that." A part of her hated herself for sounding so pathetic, but she just
wanted the pain to stop.
"Oh, I don't think
you do," he sneered as he tossed his shirt on the floor and knelt naked
between her shaking legs. Leaning forward, he thrust his marble hard cock
against her thigh and glared down at her. "You don't know WHO you belong
to, bitch." With another thrust, he slammed his cock into her dry channel,
making her whimper in pain. "But, you're going to."
Still leaning over her,
watching the pain, sorrow, humiliation and fear flit across her face, Angel
pounded into her, delighting in her groans and whimpers. Balancing on one hand,
he used the other to twist one of her sore nipples until she shrieked.
"Who am I?" he
demanded.
"Wha...?"
Clearly confused, Buffy rolled her head, fresh tears leaking from her swollen
eyes.
Growling deep in his
throat, Angel leaned down and bit her neck, not deeply enough to break the skin,
but as a show of dominance.
"Angel," Buffy
answered through clenched teeth, her mind too distracted by the pain to realize
what he wanted from her.
Shaking his head in
disgust, Angel pulled out of her and reached back to untie her ankles. Grabbing
her hips, he yanked her legs over his shoulders, then impaled her ass on his
cock.
Buffy screamed at the
painful invasion and wriggled in his hands. "No, please, not dry."
"Would Angel do
this?" he asked nastily as he began a hard, quick rhythm in her tight back
passage. After a few minutes of listening to her broken sobs, he pulled out and
yanked her legs down, then moved up her body to straddle her shoulders.
Forcing her mouth open by
pinching her cheeks with one hand, he shoved his cock inside, thrusting for her
throat. "Would Angel do this?"
Gagging and choking,
Buffy thrashed and felt the metal of the handcuffs tear into her wrists.
Finally, just as she was
about to pass out, Angel pulled his cock from her mouth and took it in his hand.
Jerking on the tip, he grunted and threw his head back as he came, splashing
cold semen on her trembling face.
"And, Angel
certainly wouldn't do that," he said with a great deal of satisfaction.
Rising to his feet, Angel
strolled over to his clothes and began to out them on, his mood much improved.
Once dressed, he picked up the phone and dialed.
"Willow, my other
little bitch. If you don't want Buffy's mom to come home and find her chained to
her bed covered in my cum, I suggest you get over here and free her." He
hung up as soon as he was done speaking, then dug the handcuff key out of the
bag and dropped it on the dresser.
In shock, in pain, Buffy
watched him do all this, her mind and voice frozen. As Angel walked back over to
her, she flinched back and he laughed.
"If you know what's
good for you, you'll be here waiting for me tomorrow night, eleven o'clock. I
know you're done with patrol by then."
She nodded helplessly,
just wanting him to go. She felt so completely lost and confused and humiliated.
Sitting down next to her
on the bed, Angel looked into her eyes, then placed one hand on her trembling
stomach. "Who am I, Buffy?" he asked in a soft yet deadly voice.
"Angelus," she
whispered, fresh tears filling her eyes.
"Good girl."
Sliding his hand between her legs, he ran his fingers over her clit. As he
gently rubbed her soft flesh, he felt her dampen and swell. Her eyes shifted
away from his and he saw her nibble on her lip as color returned to her cheeks.
Finally, she moaned and
arched against his fingers, her clit hardening to his touch. Smiling wickedly,
Angel pressed and rubbed and felt a spasm of pleasure run through her, then
watched the tears spill down her cheeks as her orgasm swept through her.
Wiping his hand on her
sheet, Angel rose to his feet and grabbed his bag, then headed for the window.
~~~~~
Buffy shuddered at the
memory of that horrible night, then took a deep swallow of coffee and turned the
page, not wanting to think about Willow's reaction to finding her like that.
'I waited for him until
after midnight and he didn't come. Punishment of another kind, I suppose, though
I was damn grateful. I'm still so sore from last night and I could barely sit
still in class. G had me run laps. I guess I should be grateful he didn't have
me doing situps--my ass couldn't have taken it.'
It had been the next
night that Angel had come to her again, arriving at eleven o'clock. This time
Buffy's mom had been home.
~~~~~
Buffy watched him climb
sinuously into her room, wearing all black and looking like the dark angel he
was. She sat on her bed wearing only a shortie nightgown.
"Sorry I couldn't
make it last night, lover. Did you wait up long?" He asked with a smirk.
"Nope. Slept like a
baby."
"No sleep for the
wicked tonight."
Buffy glanced at her
closed door, then turned the radio on, turning the sound down to conversation
level. "Mom's home."
Angel sighed and pulled
his shirt over his head. "I'll try to restrain my cries of pleasure. See
that you do the same."
Rolling her eyes, Buffy
scooted back on the bed until she sat against the headboard. Angel continued to
strip and Buffy nibbled on her lip. She didn't want him. Not a spark of desire
was being lit in her at the sight of his unclothed body. Her brows drew together
in worry and she wrapped her arms across her chest.
"What if I don't
want you?"
Angel stared at her,
obviously surprised by her question. "You always want me, babe, that's your
problem."
"I don't want you
now," she answered bravely.
He just laughed.
"You are the most difficult woman. Get that piece of nothing off and we'll
see how fast you get horny." As he taunted her, he stroked his cock to
erection.
Slowly Buffy pulled the
gown over her head, then wriggled out of her panties, leaving her naked. She
still didn't feel anything, even as she watched him make himself hard.
"Touch
yourself," he ordered in a husky voice.
Buffy stared at him for a
minute, then hesitantly slid her hand down her body. As it reached the soft
curls at the juncture of her thighs, she spread her legs and bent her knees.
Using one finger, she traced the warm flesh of her nether lips.
Alternating between
watching the motions of her hand and the lovely emotions flitting across her
flushed face, Angel draped himself across the bottom of her bed, still caressing
his cock.
Leaning her head back,
Buffy stared blankly at the ceiling as she ran her finger over her clit and felt
a brief spark of pleasure. Maybe if she ignored him...
Grinning, Angel crawled
up the bed to flop down next to her. "Something fascinating up there,
babe?"
Buffy bit her lip and
refused to answer him.
Angel ran his hand over
her shoulder and down to one of her breasts. "I bruised you deep. You can
still see the mark of the buckle," he said, admiring his work.
Hissing at his touch,
Buffy began to rub her clit, hoping she could bring herself to pleasure quickly
and get this evening over with. Her hips began to rise and fall with the
pressure of her finger and she moaned softly.
Angel grabbed her wrist
and pulled her finger away from her clit. "My turn," he growled softly
as he moved between her thighs on his knees. Lifting her hips, he slammed his
cock into her moistening vagina.
Buffy whimpered at the
aching fullness inside her and clutched at his shoulders, feeling the muscles
bunch beneath the cold skin as he thrust quickly, making the bed squeak as he
drove her into the mattress.
Alarmed at the noise,
Buffy tried to push him off her, hissing, "My mom."
"Fuck her,"
Angel grunted against her neck.
"The noise."
Growling, Angel finally
slowed and pulled out of her. Rising to his feet, he yanked Buffy with him. She
trembled from unfulfilled desire and stumbled against him. "I'm not getting
rug burns." Shoving Buffy up against the window, he lifted her off her feet
and impaled her on his throbbing cock."
"Anyone can see
us," she wailed softly in embarrassment, wrapping her arms around Angel's
neck to hold on.
"Tough shit."
Grunting in pleasure, he slammed her up and down on him until she twined her
legs around his waist and began moving with him, rubbing her clit against his
hard flesh. Buffy's head fell forward onto his shoulder and she whimpered in
growing pleasure.
Digging his fingers into
the small globes of her ass, Angel thrust mindlessly as his mouth fastened over
her neck. He never bit her, just latched onto her...like a wolf. Buffy often
wondered why he never fed on her--although she was very grateful he didn't.
Buffy whimpered as he
slammed her harder against the window, then groaned as fire spread through her
veins as she approached her climax, her body beginning to shake as she bounced
on his cock.
Burying her cry in his
neck, she exploded, her whole body spasming and twitching.
Feeling her clench around
his cock, Angel let himself go, joining her in orgasmic bliss as he plunged hard
and fast into her depths.
Slowly, they sank to the
floor, Buffy panting and mewling in satisfaction, Angel grunting and grinning
evilly.
Later, they lay in
Buffy's bed, Buffy on her side facing away from him, Angel with one arm and one
leg wrapped possessively around her. The marks he had left on her neck throbbed
dully and her whole body ached from the sex.
Coming down from the
pleasure he had given her, all Buffy felt was a growing numbness.
"So, I'm to call you
Angelus now?" she asked softly.
"Babe, you can call
me anything you want. I was just pissed the other night. Took it out on you.
It's what vampires do, you know."
Shaking her head sadly,
Buffy closed her eyes, hoping that in sleep she could forget that every inch of
her body and soul felt both possessed and soiled by her demon lover.
~~~~~
Squirming at the memories
of too much empty sex, Buffy rose and went over to the fridge. She wasn't really
hungry, but knew that she needed to eat. Willow had been right. She had been
skipping too many meals.
Making herself a sandwich
and finding some potato salad that didn't look too old, Buffy returned to her
journal and flipped ahead to the next encounter with Angel.
She winced. The night she
had gotten drunk. It had not been pleasant--neither the drinking, nor the
wonderful dream of making love with her Angel only to find herself pinned
beneath a particularly cruel Angelus. It was as if he had known she was dreaming
of the old him.
Could he possibly be
jealous of her relationship with the real Angel?
Buffy shook her head and
took a bite of her sandwich. Surprisingly, it didn't taste like sawdust.
Flipping a few more
pages, she began to read again.
'G patrolled with me
tonight. He was so critical of everything I did. And, I have to admit, I wasn't
giving it my all. All I could think about was that it had been four nights since
my drunken pity party and I hadn't seen A. Side note--when G reads this after
I'm dead, he's going to be so disappointed.'
'Anyway, naturally we ran
into A. He was teaching a fledgling how to hunt and the female vamp was making a
mess of a poor vagrant. Couldn't save the vagrant, but did take out the vamp
bitch. A just stood back and watched, a big grin on his face.'
~~~~~
"Lover, what a
surprise, and look, you're with Rupert. Oh, the tales I could tell you,
Rupert."
Buffy flung the
struggling female vampire off of her and glared at Angel as she tried to find
the stake that had been knocked from her hand when she had flung herself at the
bitch.
She saw that Giles was
holding a cross and watching Angel very carefully. They hadn't brought the
crossbow and Buffy prayed that Giles wouldn't try to attack Angel.
"Buffy." She
caught the stake Giles threw her and flung it at the female, catching her in the
neck.
Mumbling under her
breath, Buffy glared again at Angel who was laughing now.
Giles gave her an
exasperated look. "Buffy, you can make that throw in your sleep."
"You look a bit off
tonight, lover. I wonder why." Angel smirked.
Finally finding the
original stake, Buffy charged the female vampire who lay on the ground
struggling to pull the stake from her neck. Pinning her down, Buffy shoved the
second stake into her chest and rolled away as she dusted.
"Even pathetic, you
manage to take out these twits," Angel scoffed. "I really need to
start making a better class of vamps."
"Go to Hell,"
Buffy said clearly, rising to her feet and panting. She hadn't felt like her
usual, capable self since her drinking binge and wondered if she had overdone
it. Did hangovers last for four days?
"Nope. I like
Sunnydale too much. So many lovely distractions. So many lovely girls to
fuck." Angel's cheery voice was really pissing off Buffy, but she felt
despair roll through her--lately her usual mood when dealing with her lover.
There was nothing she could do about Angel.
"Buffy," Giles
hissed, gesturing with his cross towards Angel, clearly wanting her to attack.
As she shook her head
wearily, Angel laughed. "Oh Rupert, she can't kill me...at least not with a
stake." Turning his back on Buffy, Angel began to stroll down the path in
the park, then threw over his shoulder, "See you later, babe."
As Angel disappeared into
the darkness, Buffy's shoulders slumped and she walked slowly over to Giles, who
just stared at her in shock.
"Why didn't you
attack him, Buffy?"
"Not now, Giles,
please. I'm tired. I have vamp dust in my hair..."
Giles tried to gentle his
tone of voice. "Buffy, I know this must be difficult for you, but he's not
Angel any longer."
She laughed, a near
hysterical sound, and her eyes took on a crazed look. "Oh, I know that. I
know that better than you will ever know or understand or believe." Buffy
stared at him, a part of her wanting desperately to share her troubles, the deal
she had made with the devil, then she turned and bolted.
*****
Reaching home, exhausted
and teary eyed, Buffy hauled herself into her room and wasn't surprised to find
Angel lounging on her bed, naked and reading an issue of Cosmo.
"Ten ways to show
your lover how to please you," he snorted. "Like I need any
instruction." Glancing up, his eyes narrowed with lust. "Get
undressed, babe. I need some loving. Lost a fledgling tonight, you know."
The despair inside her
swelled and Buffy swallowed hard against the sudden lump in her throat. Pulling
the band from her tangled hair, she methodically removed her clothes, tossing
them into a heap on the floor. "My mom's home," she said in a dull
voice.
Snorting again, Angel
rose to his feet and Buffy's eyes fell to his erection. "So, get your ass
over her and suck me off."
Walking the few steps to
him, Buffy dropped to her knees and took his cock into her hand, then drew it
into her mouth. She sucked quickly. Tired, listless, she just wanted to go to
sleep. Maybe he'd just let her do this.
Closing her eyes, she
remembered the hesitant way she had run her mouth over his staff that first
time--that only time with HER Angel. He had groaned and squirmed beneath her and
she had felt such joy and exhilaration that she could make him feel good. He had
told her she didn't need to do that and she had told him that he had done it to
her and if it felt any where near as good for him as it had for her...
As Buffy pulled her mouth
back up to the tip, she moaned his name.
A hand cracked across her
face, sending her flying onto her side. Angel was on her before she could think
to move, driving her into the floor. Growling, his demon face evident, he
wrapped his hands around her throat and began to squeeze.
Her eyes bulging in
shock, Buffy struggled against him, pulling at his hands.
"I told you not to
fantasize about another man," Angel hissed. "Especially not him."
Releasing his grip on her neck, he watched her gasp for breath, then flipped her
onto her stomach.
Tears began to flow out
of her swollen eyes as Buffy acknowledged that this certainly wasn't Angel and
that she was about to punished again. It seemed that everything he did to her
was really a punishment for something.
"Who do you belong
to, bitch?"
"Angelus," she
sobbed softly, burying her tears in her hands as he lifted her hips. She felt
the head of his cock sliding between her ass cheeks and whimpered.
"That's right.
Angelus. The demon. Not nancey boy, Angel. When are you going to learn that, you
stupid whore?" Growling, he fastened his mouth over the nape of her neck,
driving her head down, even as he lifted her hips higher and slammed his cock
into her ass.
Buffy bit her hand until
the blood flowed to keep in her cries of pain as he sawed in and out of her,
unconcerned about any pain he was causing her. She began to grow dizzy and
sobbed softly into the carpet as Angel bit her neck, not enough to break the
skin, but enough to leave an ugly mark.
Finally, just as Buffy
thought she would grow insane from the pain, Angel gave a grunt of satisfaction
and pulled his cock out of her sore passage, making a disgusting popping noise.
Jumping to his feet, he replaced his mouth on her neck with his foot, pressing
her down into the carpet.
As she sobbed brokenly,
Buffy heard him groan, then felt cold liquid splash onto her back.
He lifted his foot and
she dragged air into her lungs as she lay still and humiliated on the floor. She
heard Angel sit down in her chair and pull it closer to her, but she remained
still, feeling the semen dry on her shaking body. Her sobs finally ceased and
she felt the exhaustion overtake her again.
"Roll onto your
back."
Obediently, she did as he
ordered, staring blankly at the ceiling.
"Spread your
legs." Again, Buffy obeyed, the gasped as she felt his toes on her clit.
"Fuck yourself on my foot...now."
Turning red with
humiliation, Buffy began to hump against him, caressing her clit with his toes.
Unwanted pleasure flooded her and she moved quicker, her hips bouncing lightly
on the floor. Angel did nothing but hold his foot still and watch through
narrowed eyes.
Digging her fingers into
the carpet, Buffy bit her lip and thrust against Angel's toes, feeling the
wetness seep from deep inside her as her clit swelled and throbbed. Moaning
helplessly, she thrashed and bucked, trying to drive his foot deeper. Arching
hard, her feet drumming on the floor, she gave a ragged, low cry and came.
The orgasm left her
shaking and incredibly empty. Fresh tears gathered in her eyes, but she refused
to let them fall. Angel stood and she looked up to find his foot dangling over
her mouth. "Lick them clean." As utter degradation washed over her,
Buffy raised her head and took her toes into her mouth, licking hesitantly,
tasting herself.
Finally, he walked away
from her and Buffy rolled into a ball, just holding herself. She had never felt
so badly--not even on the discovery of what had happened to Angel--but she
didn't know what to do to make her life better.
~~~~~
As she read, Buffy began
to see the pattern of her downward spiral. The deal itself had left her feeling
empty and every night spent with Angel after had only contributed to her
despair, regardless of whether they had good sex or he punished her.
After only a few visits,
Buffy had found that fighting him only earned her physical pain and that there
was always pain in her heart, so why add to it. Each humiliation, each slap,
each nasty word--they all drove her farther down into despair until it became
natural to feel bad.
Three days later he had
come to her again and this time she had been the most accepting...and the most
pathetic.
~~~~~
Angel crawled through the
window and found Buffy sitting on the edge of the bed wearing a long t-shirt.
"All ready and
willing, lover?"
Nodding slowly, Buffy
rose to her feet, pulling the t-shirt over her head and leaving her naked.
Dropping to her knees, she leaned forward onto her hands, raising her ass in the
air, and spreading her legs.
"Interesting..."
She heard the zipper
going down on his leather pants and closed her eyes, lowering her head
submissively. Briefly she wondered why she was doing this, then she acknowledged
that it was just easier this way. No pain. No suffering. No thoughts or feelings
about Angel. Just fucking. Empty, cold, meaningless fucking.
~~~~~
Buffy slammed the journal
shut, her troubled eyes staring across the kitchen. She knew what the rest of
the entries said--basically the same thing. She had just accepted and presented
herself to him like a dog.
And Angel had taken
advantage of her every time, fucking her senseless. True, he always gave her
pleasure, but it was so empty and sad.
Buffy had found herself
caught in a mire of depression, unable to find a way out. She had stopped eating
much, stopped bathing much, stopped sleeping much. And hadn't even realized what
was happening.
When she had thought she
was doing a damn good job of surviving, Willow had realized she was barely
keeping herself alive.
And, then there was Angel
and the night before. She still didn't trust him. He had to be up to something.
Never before had he been so unselfish and that just wasn't the vampire way.
As she finished off the
potato salad, Buffy wondered at the lack of despair that she felt. She actually
felt somewhat good about herself and her future for the first time in weeks.
The orgasms the night
before hadn't been empty and she thought she finally had a grasp on why. For the
first time she had caught a glimpse of HER Angel in Angelus. He had been tender,
gentle, even somewhat loving, in giving her pleasure and just caressing her and
talking to her.
For the first time in a
long time, she had hope and that hope had washed away the weeks of despair.
Rising to her feet, Buffy
smiled to herself and went to find her running shoes. Time for a little
exercise.
And maybe some Hagen Daas
for dessert.
*****
End Bitter Suite: The
Downward Spiral