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Noon rolled around and
Willow lay on her bed, flat on her back, staring at her ceiling. For the moment,
she seemed to be out of tears.
Her parents had left for
their Sunday afternoon at her aunt and uncle's. She had told them she wasn't
feeling well, but that they should go on and that she was just going to sleep.
But, she couldn't sleep.
The nightmare still gripped her. It had been so frightening...so real.
If she was Buffy, she
would have believed it to be a prophetic dream.
Buffy. She had to talk to
Buffy. Only she would understand.
*****
Swigging water after her
three mile run, Buffy answered the door and stared at Willow, stunned by her
appearance. The redhead was flushed and puffy eyed, with tangled hair and
haphazardly thrown on clothing. "Will, are you okay?"
Willow shook her head,
feeling incredibly numb. "I...I...need...talk." She burst into tears.
Reaching for her friend,
Buffy led her into the house and sat her down on the couch, perching on the
coffee table in front of her. Gently she rubbed one of Willow's cold hands.
"What's happened,
Willow? Did something...happen to you? You look, well, bad," she said,
trying to coax some response from the pale, disheveled, sobbing girl in front of
her.
Finally Willow began to
calm down and wiped her eyes, pressing the heels of her hands into her cheeks.
"I'm sorry," she choked. "I thought I was out of tears."
"Will, what
happened?" Buffy persisted, very worried.
Exhausted, Willow leaned
back against the couch, her mind a jumble of images and bitter thoughts.
"Spike," she finally managed to say.
Buffy's concern turned
immediately to near panic. "Did he hurt you, Willow? Are you okay,
physically? I'll kill him if he hurt you."
"No, no, no
killing." Another sob broke from Willow and she shook her head wildly.
"Oh God."
"Willow, please let
me help you."
Taking a deep breath,
Willow tried to force out the truth. "I...I went to the mansion...last
night...and I saw...I saw...Oh God, I hate him Buffy, I hate him so much."
Fresh tears slid down her puffy, flushed cheeks and she swiped at them
ineffectually.
"What did you
see?" Buffy coaxed gently.
"Spike
and...her...that loony bitch...in bed...naked." Willow began to gasp for
breath, rocking on the couch as the sobbing returned.
"Spike and Drusilla?"
Buffy was clearly stunned. "But...but I thought he loved you."
"Me too,"
Willow wailed.
Buffy scrambled off the
table and sat on the couch, wrapping her arms around Willow and making soothing
sounds as her friend wept.
Sometime later Willow
calmed down enough to describe the other things she had seen the night before.
"I know...I know
logically that he needs blood to survive, but I never let myself think about
it," she said in a small voice, her whole body trembling at the memory.
"He killed that man...so joyfully."
Buffy gently pulled
Willow's head down to her shoulder and stroked her tangled hair. "It's
something we have to face, Will. I know."
"His...his demon
kills," she replied in a shuddering voice. "I let a demon...Oh God. I
can't believe what I've done, what I've let be done to me."
"Denial is so much
easier, Willow, I know this. And the pleasure can make us forget to think about
other things."
The bitterness in Buffy's
voice made Willow look up, then pull back slightly. "I didn't even
think...did he come last night? Did he hurt you?"
Flushing, Buffy nodded
slowly. "He came...he didn't hurt me. He's playing games," she added
dismissively.
"What
happened?"
"It's not important.
You need to talk about Spike. You've heard me moan about Angel enough to last
through the end of the year."
"I don't want to
talk about Spike any more. It...hurts too much."
Buffy sighed and nodded,
then took another swig of her water. "He's still here. First time he's
spent the night."
"Oh Buffy..."
"And, it was really
weird. He...gave me pleasure...all last night, that's all he did. He bathed me
and gave me a massage and...made me come. We didn't have sex until this
morning."
Willow's brows wrinkled
as she pondered this strange change in Angel's actions. "Do you think it's
some kind of trick?"
"Has to be. I just
can't figure it out. He went on and on about how he no longer wants to punish me
and that we're bound together for the rest of my life so we should probably make
the best of it." Buffy's eyes flicked away and she finished in a soft
voice. "He realized how close to the edge I'd gotten. You were so right,
Willow. I didn't even realize it until this morning when I read my last few
journal entries. But, Angel realized it, realized that if he continued to be
mean to me, to put it in simple terms, I might do something..."
"Drastic?"
Buffy nodded.
"So...what are you
going to do?"
"I'm going to try to
accept that he's not Angel...and that I want him anyway."
Willow rose to her feet
and wandered over to the bookcase, pretending to look at the titles, but really
thinking that she and Buffy were, well, if not in the same boat, on the same
pond at least. "I don't know what to do, Buffy."
"Will...do you love
Spike?"
There was no answer for a
long time until Willow finally spoke in a small, desolate voice. "I think I
do."
Buffy sighed. "We're
both insane." Willow turned and sat down in a rocking chair. "What
bothers you more, him and Drusilla or the killing?"
"Well...I was very
upset on finding them...together. I drove home and cried and cried, remembering
when he first told me he loved me and remembering when he told me I was his only
lover. I don't think I can believe him any more. Obviously, I'm not his
only..."
"He may not have
been lying, at the time. I know that Angel didn't believe that Spike's parts
were functioning until...well...that night. Dru probably didn't either."
Willow blushed. "She
didn't. She mentioned it when she...captured me the second time."
"You've had sex with
all three of the master vampires of Sunnydale," Buffy said on a tangent.
Willow turned even redder. "We must be the two weirdest people in the
world."
"I don't want to
think about her," Willow replied bitterly. "Whenever I think about
her, I want to rip her hair out by the roots."
"Good, anger, go
with it."
"I don't feel anger
very much, you know that."
Buffy tried to encourage
her friend. "You have to get this out, Willow. It will make you feel
better, I promise."
"I don't even know
where to start. All this...stuff is rolling around in me, tearing at me, and it
hurts, it hurts so much. All I want to do is cry."
"I know, and that
helps too. I hate Dru also. She has a hold on Angel that I don't understand and
don't like."
Willow bit her lip and
nodded in agreement, then began to speak slowly at first, then picking up steam.
"I hate her. I hate her for everything she has with Spike that I don't. I
hate her for being able to sleep with him all the time, openly. I hate her for
the hundred years they had together. I hate her for being so fucking pathetic
that men fall all over themselves to help her...And...and I hate him,"
Willow choked out. "I hate him so much. Why does it have to hurt so
much?" She dragged her feet up on the rocker and wrapped her arms around
her legs, sobbing again.
Buffy just let her cry,
trying to think of a way to make Willow feel better, but knowing that only time
and distance would help. Right now the emotions were too raw, too new.
And, she knew that Willow
needed to confront Spike. Last night she had run from him. Until they talked,
Willow would never be able to get past his infidelity.
Her brow furrowing, Buffy
wondered why Willow didn't consider she and Cordy as cheating.
*****
When Willow calmed down
again, she excused herself and headed for the bathroom to freshen up. Returning
to the living room, she slumped down on the couch next to Buffy.
"Life sucks."
The Slayer sighed and
nodded in agreement. "Have you thought about what you're going to do?"
"Not see him ever
again," Willow said slowly.
Buffy took her hand,
squeezing it gently. "I don't think that will work, Will. You really need
to see him, talk to him."
"I can't,"
Willow choked out. "I don't want to see him. I don't want to even think
about him."
"I know what I'm
talking about, believe me. It will make you feel better in the end. Maybe you're
reading too much into this."
"Huh?"
"Maybe Spike was
asleep and Drusilla crawled into bed with him."
Willow gave her a look of
disbelief.
Buffy shrugged slightly.
"It's possible...and, even if they did have sex, it's different with vamps,
Will. It just doesn't mean that much to them."
Sighing, Willow curled
her feet up beneath her and nodded slowly. "I know. Spike said that often
enough. Maybe he was trying to tell me something," she replied bitterly.
"I gotta ask you
this, Will, because it's been puzzling me for a while. You're totally freaked
about Drusilla, but you don't seem to mind sharing him with me and Cordy.
Why?"
Willow thought about it
for a minute. It didn't hurt to think about Spike and her two friends. "I
think it must be because I've been there when it happened. I've been a part of
it. I think I'd be hurt if you and he had sex behind my back"
"That makes sense.
Okay, devil's advocate here. What about your sleeping with Cordy and me without
Spike being there?"
Willow blushed. "I
don't think he minds."
"But you don't know
for sure."
Shaking her head, Willow
mumbled, "He knows about each time. He seems to like listening about
them."
"Men." Buffy
rolled her eyes.
After a few minutes of
silence, Willow continued a little helplessly, "I still can't help but feel
like he cheated on me, whether it's logical or not. The image of him and
Drusilla...it hurts so much just thinking about it. And, maybe I should have
thought about it a long time before now and maybe we should have talked about
the important stuff, but I didn't, we didn't and now it's blown up in my
face."
"As I said earlier,
it's sometimes easier to deny the ugly truths and enjoy the pleasure. And, I
told you to do that; I told you to have fun and not think too much. Once the
heavy emotions get involved, you have to start thinking."
Willow nodded in
agreement. "They just kinda snuck in. The sex was fantastic and he made me
feel so good...and then he told me he loved me and no man had ever said that. I
just wanted to revel in it for a while and not think of the implications."
"For me," Buffy
explained, "love is pain and I'm having to learn to live with that."
"Pain...it was just
supposed to be fun and sex, lots of hot sex. It wasn't supposed to become
something so important," Willow complained bitterly.
"Will, it's the
human heart. We're made to love."
"And we're made to
hurt, which is incredibly unfair."
Buffy had to chuckle at
the petulant tone in Willow's voice, then quickly sobered under her friend's
glowering eyes. "The cheating, the love thing, that you can deal with in
time, right, even if you never accept it?" Willow nodded slowly. "You
have to talk to him. Right now you never want to see him again, you'd like him
to take a flying leap, I understand that, but time helps put things into
perspective. There's a more important issue here, Willow."
Willow nodded and
answered in a small voice. "The killing."
"Yeah. He kills.
They don't need to kill to survive--Angel didn't for a hundred years--but they
obviously like it. No matter how kind and sweet and gentle Spike is with you,
he's still a killer."
Willow pulled her knees
up and rested her chin on them, staring across the room. "I've put off
thinking about that for so long. Why did I do that? How have I ignored that?
He's a demon. You're right. No matter how nice and loving he is with me, he's
still a demon. At least when you fell in love with Angel, he had a soul."
She began to cry softly. "I've given myself to a demon willingly, eagerly.
I've been developing a relationship with a soulless being."
Buffy slipped her arm
around Willow's shaking shoulders, trying to comfort her. "I know, he
really hasn't been acting very demon like around you. It surprised me the first
time I found the two of you together. He was so different from Angel and so
different from how he was last Fall in his 'kill the Slayer' mode."
"How can someone
without a soul love?"
"I don't know, Will,
but I've seen him look at you, seen the love on his face. The guy...the
demon...is nuts about you."
"If he loves me so
much, why did he sleep with her?" Willow wailed, burying her face in her
hands.
"Okay, so he needs a
swift knee to the balls, but you can deal with that, I know you can."
"Our relationship
has been so much about sex. I hardly know anything personal about him. We don't
talk about how our week's gone or what we've been doing with friends or
anything. I don't know his favorite rock band, or movie or flower or color. I
know how much he likes to have my fingers on his balls when I'm sucking him, but
I don't even know what his real name is."
"And it was so much
easier that way, wasn't it," Buffy said in complete understanding. Willow
nodded and sniffled, blinking away the burning tears. "To have a
relationship, a real relationship, those things are important."
"But, I don't know
if that's what I want or if that's what I can handle. I don't think it is, not
now. He...he killed someone right before my eyes...That image...it won't go
away. The look of savage joy on his face. I don't think I can handle that."
"I understand."
"I wish I did."
"At least we have
each other to talk to. I've had to deal with a lot of the same issues."
"And how have you
dealt?"
"Not very well,
apparently," Buffy muttered, looking at her thin, pale hand. "I love
Angel," she continued, softly. "But, he's not Angel. Yet, my love
won't go away. I look at him and I see the man I love. Sometimes, like last
night, when he touches me so gently...But, I know he's not Angel, no matter how
tender he becomes. I still hope...I still hope that he will come to love me. I
know it's possible for a demon to love a human."
"Don't look to me
for hope, Buffy. I don't think there's a future for me and Spike. Even if we can
get past the Drusilla thing...I don't think I can accept him killing. The
thought of him touching me..." She began to tremble and wrapped her arms
tightly around her knees. "I've been so stupid."
"Ooh, looks like I
interrupted a sob session."
Both girls' eyes flew to
the entrance to the living room where Angel lounged in the shadows, wearing only
his pants. Willow began to gasp for breath, praying he hadn't overheard too
much.
Angel slunk into the
room, keeping well away from the couch that sat in front of the windows.
"Pull the curtains."
"Uh uh, I don't
think so," Buffy said, realizing she and Willow were in the sunlight.
"Willow's safe here."
Angel growled and
glowered, then sank into the easy chair. "Why the long face, Willow?
Boyfriend problems? Want me to rip out his spine for you?"
"Uh, no...thank
you."
"Want me to cheer
you up?" he offered with an evil grin.
Willow flushed and Buffy
cleared her throat. "Leave her alone, Angel. She's had a rough day."
"A good fuck usually
takes care of that."
"Maybe I should
go," Willow mumbled as she carefully rose to her feet and began to edge her
way out of the room. Buffy quickly followed, keeping herself between Angel and
Willow.
"Oh, leaving so
soon? Are you sure you don't want to stay and play?"
Seeing him rise to his
feet, Willow squeaked and flew out the front door into the sunshine.
Angel laughed and fell
back into the chair.
Buffy glared at him.
"That was very mean. She's going through a really tough time."
"And I should care,
why?"
Sighing, Buffy sank back
down on the couch, arms crossed over her chest. "Why aren't you
asleep?"
"Missed you all
curled up next to me."
She flushed at the
suggestive tone of his voice and felt a tingle run through her body.
"You seem to be in a
better mood today," he continued.
"Can't be broody all
the time," she quipped back, eliciting a grin from him. "You really
like it better when I talk back to you." She was a little amazed by that.
"To a point. The
jibes, the quips, the needling...I especially like them when they lead to hot
sex." His hand moved to his crotch and he began to caress himself through
the leather.
Buffy turned bright red,
but couldn't bring herself to look away. Finally, able to breathe again, she
rose to her feet and yanked the curtains closed.
Grinning, Angel rose to
his feet and they met in the middle of the room. As their hungry mouths found
the other's, they sank to the floor, Buffy sprawled on top. Sitting astride him,
She yanked her top and sports bra over her head, tossing them aside, then ground
her throbbing pussy against his straining cock.
Angel groaned and grabbed
her hips, undulating her against him. Lifting his head, he caught one of her
swaying breasts, nibbling hungrily on the nipple until she gasped and moaned in
pleasure.
Buffy's fingers kneaded
his shoulders, then ran down his chest, caressing his nipples, then sliding
around the waistband of his pants. Wetness soaked her panties and she rubbed
herself harder on the bulge between his legs.
Grunting with lust, Angel
hooked his fingers in the sides of her bicycle pants and pulled them down to her
knees. Cupping her bottom, he moved the thong aside and wormed one finger into
her anus, making her yelp and buck against him. He could smell her arousal and
felt his cock throb painfully for release.
"Do you want it nice
and gentle?" he grunted out as he thrust a second finger into her tight
back passage.
"No," she
gasped. "Hard...fast...now." Her fingers fumbled over the button and
zipper of his pants, then finally managed to get them open. Finding his rock
hard cock, she drew it out and pressed her crotch against it.
Angel's other hand
grabbed the swatch of nylon covering her mound and ripped it away. "No
recriminations then," he growled as he thrust against her, feeling her hot
wetness covering the tip of his cock.
Her mind blanking as hot
need took over, Buffy raised herself on her knees, then sank down onto his cock,
groaning in pleasure as he filled her hot cavern. A third finger stretched her
anus and she bucked wildly. "Yes."
As she began to move on
him, rising and falling and squirming her clit against his pubic bone, Angel
reached for one of her breasts and gently squeezed and tickled her nipple, all
the while plunging three fingers as far as they would go into her ass.
Whimpering in pleasure,
Buffy dug her fingers into his ribs and moved faster, her hips churning as the
lust built inside her.
"Do you like this,
Buff?" Angel managed to ask as his pelvis rose to slam against hers.
"Shit...yes...more."
A fourth finger wormed into her and she screamed in pleasure, her shoulders and
arms trembling as she dug her fingers into him spasmodically. Sweat slid down
her body to drip on him as she moved ever faster, driving them both towards
orgasm.
As he felt his balls
tightening, Angel moved his hand from her breast to her pussy, sliding his
fingers into her soaking curls to find her throbbing clit. Tweaking it, he felt
the shudders begin deep inside her and her muscles clench around his cock.
Buffy froze, her mouth
falling open in a silent scream, as great tremors racked her body. She clenched
every muscle and exploded into pleasure. Gasping for breath, trembling from head
to foot, Buffy tumbled forward onto Angel, her pussy quaking around his cock.
Growling, Angel pulled
his fingers from her ass and grabbed her hips, slamming her down hard, his hips
rising to meet her. Yelling, he came, filling her with his cold seed, then
collapsed beneath her.
Slowly Buffy regained her
senses. As she squirmed on top of Angel, she winced at the wonderful soreness
between her legs and the feeling of their mingled juices seeping out of her. She
gave a brief thought to the carpet they were probably staining, but didn't have
the energy to do anything about it.
"You keep squirming
like that and I'm going to get hard again and fuck you silly," he growled
tiredly.
Buffy smiled against
Angel's chest and stopped wiggling. She wasn't quite sure why this sex had felt
so good, so NOT empty. It had been hard and fast and rather violent at times.
Maybe it was because he
had offered to make it nice and gentle.
*****
End Bitter Suite: The
Mopey Blues