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Episode #57: The Freshman
Written by: Joss Whedon
Directed by: Joss Whedon
Transcribed by: Diov Llun <diovllun@hotmail.com>
~~~~~~~~~~ Disclaimer ~~~~~~~~~~
I do not own the characters in this story, nor do I own any rights to
the television show "Buffy the Vampire Slayer". They were created by
Joss Whedon and belong to him, Mutant Enemy, Sandollar Television,
Kuzui Enterprises, 20th Century Fox Television and the WB Television
Network.
This episode was originally broadcast on October 5, 1999.
Revised: October 15, 1999.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This transcript should be considered as copylefted... that is, you
can do anything with this transcript you want as long as it doesn't
interfere with others right's to do anything with it that they might
want, also. You can modify it, but if you want to use any part of
this transcript, your modifications should be copylefted also.
Explicit license is hereby given for anyone to archive this
transcript whenever and wherever they may wish.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's night in the cemetery and Buffy is pacing back and forth.
Willow is seated cross-legged reading papers.
Buffy: [sighing] Anything?
Willow: Ah! 'Introduction to the Modern Novel.' "A survey study of
twentieth century novelists." Open to freshmen, you might like that.
Buffy: 'Introduction to the Modern Novel?' I'm guessing I'd probably
have to read the modern novel.
Willow: Maybe more than one.
Buffy: I like books. I just don't want to take on too much. Do they
have an introduction to the modern blurb?
Willow: Oh! Short story.
Buffy: Well, that's good.
Willow: Oh, no. It conflicts with Psych.
Buffy: Maybe I shouldn't take Psych.
Willow: You gotta. I-It's fun, a-and you can use it as your science
requirement. Anyway, Professor Walsh is supposed to be great. She's
like, world-renowned.
Buffy: How do you get to be renowned? I mean, like, do you have to
be 'nowned' first?
Willow: Yes, first there's the painful 'nowning' process. Wait!
'Images of Pop Culture.' This is good. T-They watch movies, T-TV
shows, even commercials.
Buffy: For credit?
Willow: Heh. Isn't college cool?
Buffy: How'd I miss that one?
Buffy walks over and sits beside her.
Willow: Well, you did sort of wait till the last minute with your
course selection.
Buffy: Sorry, 'Miss I-chose-my-major-in-playgroup.'
Willow: That's an exaggeration. I just, you know, think it's good to
be prepared. Don't want to be caught unawares.
Behind them a hand thrusts up out of a fresh grave.
Buffy: Well I've been busy! It's been a very slay-heavy summer. I
just haven't had a whole lot of time to think about life at UC
Sunnydale.
A vampire's head and shoulders emerge from the grave.
Willow: It's exciting, though, isn't it?
Buffy: Yeah! It's gonna be an adjustment.
Willow: Yeah, it's like, five miles away. It's uncharted territory.
The vampire struggles to climb up.
Buffy: Giles said I have to be secret-identity gal again.
Willow: That makes sense.
The vampire makes it out of the grave and starts walking toward them,
his face vamped out.
Buffy: It's gonna be tough, though... with a roommate.
Willow: Yeah.
Buffy: I'm psyched about college. (The vampire smiles as he gets
closer.)
Buffy: Definitely. (He stops as he sees weapons stacked against
a gravestone.)
Buffy: I just need to figure out how it's going to work with my
extra-curricular activities. (The vamp looks at Buffy, the smile
gone.)
Buffy: I just can't let it take the edge off my slaying. (Shaking
his head, the vampire turns and walks away.)
Buffy: I gotta stay sharp. (She looks behind her toward the fresh
grave.) Is this guy ever gonna wake up?
[Opening credits]
Buffy is standing in the middle of a quad with students milling all
around her. She's looking around.
Student Volunteer: FRESHMEN! WE'RE DOING THIS BY FOLDER COLOR! IF
YOU'RE NOT HOLDING ON TO A YELLOW FOLDER, YOU'RE IN THE WRONG GROUP.
YOU BELONG UP BY WIESMAN HALL. (She points. Buffy looks at the
folders in her arms but doesn't see a yellow one. She starts to walk
in the indicated direction.)
Girl standing in front of banner that reads "THIS MUST STOP"
Girl: Not gonna take it!
Crowd: No!
Girl: Don't take it lying down!
Crowd: No!
Girl: What do we want?
Crowd: [Unintelligible... Food?]
Girl: When do we want it?
Crowd: Now!
A student walks up and hands her a flier.
Boy: Rally, tomorrow night. We have to let the administration know
how we feel.
Buffy: Yeah, right.
Another student hands her another flier.
Girl: Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
Buffy: Uh, you know I meant to and then I just got really busy.
A third student hands her yet another flier.
Boy: Party, Thursday at Alpha Delt, you gotta be there. Free Jello
shots for freshman women.
Buffy: Hey, you guys know where Wiesman hall is?
But the student is already accosting someone else. Buffy continues
walking and Willow meets up with her.
Willow: Buffy, Hey!
Buffy: Oh, boy am I glad to see you.
They continue walking.
Willow: Isn't this cool? There's so much going on.
Buffy: Yeah. Almost, one might say, too much.
Willow: I got all my courses... except for 'Modern Poetry', I had to
switch to 'Ethno-musicology.' But that's cool, West-African
drumming, I think it's going to change everything. Have you met your
roommate yet?
Buffy: No.
Willow: Me neither. I hope she's cool.
Buffy: (Indicating the fliers in Willow's hands.) I see you got
ticketed too.
Willow: Yes! I've heard about five different issues and I'm angry
about each and every one of them. What'd you get?
Buffy: 'Jello shots.'
Willow: I didn't get 'Jello shots!' (She picks a flier out and tries
to hand it to Buffy.) I-I'll trade you for a-a 'Take Back the Night.'
Buffy hands over all her fliers with a smile.
Buffy: Are we heading anywhere near Wiesman Hall? I still need to
get my I.D. card.
Willow: Oh, I got mine this morning. The lines are really long now,
you should have gone early.
Buffy: Well, I hope that I learn from this experience, and that I
grow.
Willow: I'm being annoying, aren't I?
Buffy: No, it's nice that you're excited.
Willow: It's just in High School, knowledge was pretty much frowned
upon. You really had to work to learn anything. But here, the
energy, the collective intelligence, it's like this force, this
penetrating force, and I can just feel my mind opening
up--you know?--and letting this place thrust into and spurt knowledge
into... That sentence ended up in a different place than it started
out in.
Buffy: I'm with you, though, I'm all for spurty knowledge. It's
just, a little overwhelming. Don't you feel it?
Willow: Well, I'm... (Gasp) Ooh, boyfriend! My on-campus boyfriend.
(Oz comes up and he and Willow kiss.)
Buffy: Oh no, I forgot to pick mine up. Line's probably really
long there, too.
Willow: How are you?
Oz: Good. It's pretty much a madhouse, a madhouse.
Buffy: I know, I was just saying that to Willow. I mean it's just so
overwhelming. Don't you feel completely disoriented?
Paul: Oz! (A student comes up to them.)
Oz: Hey, Paul.
Paul: Finally matriculating with us, very cool! Tell me you're
playing this week!
Oz: Thursday night, Alpha Delta.
Willow: Ooh! (She holds up a flier.) I have that one!
Paul: I'm bringing the wrecking crew. Jello shots? Hmm? Do you
know where they're distributing the work study applications?
Oz: (Points.) Back of Richmond Hall, next to the auditorium.
Paul: Thanks. Seeya bro. (He walks off.)
Oz: Go get'em. (He remembers what Buffy was talking about.) My band's
played here a lot. It's still all new. I don't know what the hell's
going on. (He sees someone.) Hey, Doug!
Later, Buffy and Willow are indoors, walking along a hallway.
Willow: Library... ooh! Library. C'mon. (They start climbing a
flight of stairs.)
Buffy: It's too bad Giles can't be librarian here. Be convenient.
They reach a landing and turn left to continue up another flight.
Willow: Well, he says that he's enjoying being a gentleman of
leisure.
Buffy: Gentleman of leisure? Isn't that just british for unemployed?
Willow: Uh-huh, he's a slacker now.
Buffy: Speaking of slack, have you heard anything from Xander?
Willow: Not for awhile, he's still on his cross-country-see-America
thing. (They reach another landing and turn to climb yet another
flight.) He said he wasn't coming back until he had driven to all
fifty states.
Buffy: Did you explain about Hawaii?
Willow: Oh, he seemed so determined.
Buffy: I hope he gets back soon. It'd be fun to have the whole
gang back together--you know?--hanging out in the... library. Wow!
They enter the library, a huge room with a vaulting cupola ceiling.
Willow: Oh my gosh! Isn't this amazing?
Buffy: It's... cozy.
Willow: You know I never wanted to hurt Giles' feelings, but occult
books aside, our old library just didn't have the greatest selection.
But this!
Buffy: Yeah, this is great, you know, if we ever need a place for the
Nuremburg rallies.
Willow: This is a real library. (Someone shushes them.) See we even
have to whisper. It's like a whole new world.
The bookstore. Students are milling about carrying books in shopping
baskets. Buffy carries an arm full of books and Willow comes up with
a basket.
Willow: Here.
Buffy: Thanks. (Buffy puts the books in the basket.) Can't wait till
mom get's the bill for these books, I hope it's a funny aneurism.
Willow: 'Introduction to Psychology.' Oh, up there. (She indicates
three of four books stacked on the edge of the top of a bookshelf.)
Buffy: I'll get'em. You know, this store discriminates against short
people.
Willow: Oh, I think there's a protest next week.
Buffy reaches up and accidentally knocks the books off.
Buffy: Woah, oh. (They fall on the head of a young man crouched
underneath. He staggers back but recovers.) Oh, ahh. Oh god, I'm
so sorry.
He stands up.
Riley: I'm okay. It's okay. Well, that was bracing.
Buffy: I'm so... the books were just too high, and then everything
was bad. (She bends down to pick up the books.)
Riley: Let me give you a hand. (He bends down and picks up some
books.) Let's put a few of these down here. (He puts them on a lower
shelf.) So, uh, are you girls taking Intro Psych, or do you just want
me dead?
Buffy: Uh-huh. I mean the first one.
Riley: Well, you'll have a lot of fun. Professor Walsh--she's quite
a character.
Willow: You've taken it?
Riley: I'm a TA, I'll be helping the Professor out. I'm sorry, I've
forgotten my manners in all the concussion... I'm Riley.
Willow: Willow, and this is my friend Buffy.
Riley: It's nice to meet you both.
Buffy: I'm nice to meet.
Willow: Hey, do you know if we're going to be studying 'Operant
Conditioning' in the first semester? 'Cause I hear that's kinda
Professor Walsh's specialty.
Riley: Absolutely. Do you know her treatise on Dietricks work?
Willow: I know of it.
Riley: It's not in the syllabus, but it's a fascinating read... if
you're in to that sort of thing. They have it here.
Willow: Oh, where?
Riley: I'll show you. I don't meet that many freshmen that know that
much about psychology.
Willow: Well, it's fascinating.
Buffy: Yeah, you know, 'cause everyone's got a brain. (Riley half
smiles politely and starts leading the way.) Or, almost everyone.
(She follows Riley and Willow.)
Dorm corridor. Buffy works her way through milling students, both
male and female. She enters a dorm room with two beds and two desks.
She sees another young woman there unpacking a suitcase laying on
one of the beds.
Buffy: Hi.
Kathy: (Looks up.) Oh, hi! Are you Buffy?
Buffy: Yeah.
Kathy: Kathy.
Buffy: Hi, it's nice to meet you.
Kathy: Yeah!
Buffy puts her things down on a desk and crosses over to the bed and
sits down.
Buffy: So, it's, ah... it's a pretty nice room.
Kathy: Hmm! I was surprised, 'cause you hear horror stories about
freshmen housing. You took the right side?
Buffy: Yeah, umm, but if you want it...
Kathy: No, no. I just wanted to make sure that's what you wanted.
Exited for classes tomorrow?
Buffy: Painfully.
Kathy: (Laughs) I bet there's going to be a lot of parties to go to
this week, too. Not that I'm a crazy partier. Oh, and I'm not
always this hyper, either. I'm just excited.
Buffy: Yeah, me too.
Kathy crosses the room and picks up a folded poster and carries it
to a wall on her side of the room.
Kathy: I am really glad they put me with somebody cool... I can tell
that you're cool. I just know that this whole year is going to be
super fun! (She unfolds the poster onto the wall revealing it to be
of Celine Dion.)
Night time. Buffy is laying in bed listening to Kathy snore, smack
her lips and mumble in her sleep.
Day time. Buffy is in a lecture hall while Professor Reegert gives
his introductory lecture.
Professor Reegert: The point of this course is not to critique
popular American culture. It is not to pick at it, or look down
upon it. And it is not to watch videos for credit. (Small laughter
from students.) The point is to examine...
Buffy: (Whispers to student beside her) Do you know if this class is
full yet?
Professor Reegert: And there are two people talking at once, and I
know that one of them is me. And the other is... a blonde girl.
You, blonde girl. Stand up. I'm very excited to hear what you have
to say that's worth interrupting my lecture for.
Buffy stands.
Buffy: I was just asking if the class was still open, if I could
still sign up.
Professor Reegert: (Picks up a clipboard.) If your name isn't on
this sheet then you are wasting everyone's time. Are you on the
sheet?
Buffy: They told me that if I just...
Professor Reegert: Do you understand? You are sucking energy from
everyone in this room. They came here to learn. Get out!
Buffy: I didn't mean to... suck.
Professor Reegert: Leave! (She starts to leave.) Thank you. (She
walks out.)
Busy hallway. Buffy is looking around. Riley comes up to her.
Riley: If, uh, you're looking for Psych, it's through here. (He
points.)
Buffy: Oh, thanks. How's your head?
Riley: Sorry?
Buffy: Yesterday. In the bookstore. You don't remember.
Riley: Oh no, sure, I remember you. You're Willow's friend.
Buffy: Yeah.
Riley: My head is fine, it just stung for a bit and I lost most of my
basic motor functions. It's no biggie. (They reach the lecture
hall.) We're here. I'm sorry, I'm trying to remember you.
Buffy: Buffy.
Riley: Buffy, right. Have fun tonight, ok?
Buffy: Thanks. (She starts toward the tiers and turns back.)
Buffy: You know, I was just wondering. Professor Walsh isn't
planning on yelling at me and kicking me out of the class, is she?
Riley: It's not in her lesson plan.
Buffy: Great. (She turns back to the tiers and spots Willow and Oz.
Willow waves to her, and Buffy climbs up to sit beside her.)
Willow: How was pop culture?
Buffy: I decided not to take it. It seemed dull.
Professor Walsh comes into the lecture hall and Riley hands her a
sheet of paper.
Professor Walsh: Ok. This is Psych 105, 'Introduction to
Psychology', I'm Professor Walsh. Those of you who fall under my
good graces will come to know me as Maggie. Those of you who don't
will come to know me by the name my TAs use, and think I don't know
about, 'The Evil Bitch Monster of Death.' Make no mistake, I run a
hard class, I assign a lot of work, I talk fast and I expect you to
keep up. If you're looking to coast I recommend 'Geology 101,'
that's where the football players are.
It's night time and Buffy is walking along a walkway looking around.
She looks behind her and collides with another student.
Buffy: Ooh!
Eddie: Wow, sorry.
Buffy: No, I-I wasn't looking.
Eddie: Did you, uh, lose your way?
Buffy: Me? Oh, no, no, I'm just going to Fischer Hall. Which I know
is on the Earth planet. Recently voted 'Most Pathetic.' Uh-huh.
Eddie: Hmm, well, I'm lost and I have a map. (He holds it up.)
So...
Buffy: Ooh, I come in second. I'm Buffy, by the way.
Eddie: Eddie.
Buffy: Ok, so... (They both study the map.) That's Fischer Hall,
right?
Eddie: Ok, and this is Dunwirth Building, that's my dorm... it's
just... it's us I can't find.
Buffy: Are we the blue part?
Eddie: No... yes!
Buffy: Ok, right, so I-I came from there, then we just wanna go that
way (She points.) to the bike path.
Eddie: You sound very certain, I'm in. (They start walking and he
sees the books in Buffy's arms.) You're taking 'Psych 105' with
Professor Walsh.
Buffy: Yeah, I mean, I'm gonna try. She's not afraid of the long
words, huh?
Eddie: Yeah, she's pretty intense. A lot of the courses are really
tough.
Buffy: I'm a little upset. I had it on good authority that this was
a party school.
Eddie: I think it's supposed to get easier.
Buffy: I still feel like carrying around a security blanket.
Eddie: 'Of Human Bondage.' Have you ever read it?
Buffy: Oh, I'm not really into porn... I mean I'm just... I'm trying
to cut way back.
Eddie: (Laughs.) No, there's no actual bondage, it's just a novel.
I've read it, like, ten times. I always keep it by my bed...
security blanket.
Buffy: I don't really have a security blanket... unless you count Mr.
Pointy.
Eddie: Mr. Pointy?
Buffy: Oh, bike path. So it's nice to know that I'm not the only
entirely confused person on this campus.
Eddie: I suspect there's a lot of us.
Buffy: Well, I'll look for you in Psych.
Eddie: Yeah, maybe we can help each other figure out what the hell
they're talking about.
Buffy: (Laughs.) Ok.
Eddie: Maybe even make it through the year. (Laughs.)
Buffy: Goodnight.
Eddie: Night.
Buffy walks away. Eddie smiles pleasantly at her retreating form and
then turns to walk in the opposite direction. He gets a few feet
when he's grabbed from behind, a hand over his mouth. He looks up at
his assailant and sees that his face is vamped out. He also sees two
other vampires, young looking man and woman. They part to reveal a
young, attractive blonde woman (Face not vamped out.) who takes a few
steps toward him.
Sunday: I'm sorry... did you lose your way?
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Night time. Dorm room, single. The door opens and the vampires
enter and start gathering everything up. One sits at the desk and
writes something on notebook paper, he tears it out of the book and
places it on the bare mattress.
Psych class is over, students are gathering their things and leaving.
Buffy is looking around for Eddie.
Oz: You looking for someone?
Buffy: Yeah.
Willow: You made a friend? Good for you.
Buffy: Thanks, mom.
The same single dorm room, Eddie's RA is showing Buffy the empty
room.
RA: Yeah, Eddie just took off, packed his stuff, left a note.
Happens sometimes. People just can't handle it. There's always a
few kids who lose it early in the first semester and just bail.
Buffy crosses to the bed and picks up the note. She sits on the
bed while reading it.
The note says, 'This is too much to handle. I can't take it
anymore. No time to say goodbye! Eddie'
RA: Weak ones, I guess. (He leaves.)
Buffy lays the note on the bedside table and notices the drawer is
partly open. She opens it to reveal a paperback book. It's Eddies
copy of M. Somerset Maugham's 'Of Human Bondage.' She takes it out
of the drawer and looks at it intently.
Indoors. A cluttered room. Eddie is lying dead. The vamps are
poring through his things, FatVamp is checking out a purple sweater.
Sunday is seated in a chair that is raised off the floor somewhat,
making it look like a throne. She is going through Eddie's CDs,
tossing them aside one by one.
Sunday: Boring, boring, boring, boring, boring, boring, (sigh)
astonishingly boring... we... we have to kill some cooler people.
Will somebody remind me?
FatVamp: (Now wearing the sweater.) You were the one who said pick
on the weak ones, thin the herd and all that. Does this sweater
make me look fat?
Sunday: No, the fact that you're fat makes you look fat. That
sweater just makes you look purple.
FatVamp: You're such a loser.
Sunday: Hey, words can hurt like a fist.
SpicoliVamp: Hey, check it out. (He holds up a folded poster.)
Sunday: Well? Do we have a Klimt? (He opens it.) Yes!
SpicoliVamp: (Carrying it over to a wall with two different styles of
posters on it.) Big score for Klimt! (He staples the poster to the
wall.) Monet still well in the lead, but look out for team Klimt,
coming from behind. (He makes a mark on a white board under the
'Klimt' heading.)
Sunday: Freshmen! Man, they're so predictable.
SpicoliVamp: And you can never eat just one.
FatVamp: Yeah, I'm hungry!
Sunday: What a shock. We eat when I say we eat.
FatVamp: Well, we could hit the tunnels...
Sunday: We eat (she vamps out and roars) when I say we eat.
FatVamp: God, lighten up.
SpicoliVamp: I think it's funny when you scream... it's like... (he
roars) whoa!
Sunday: I got ta get me some better lackeys. I swear, you guys are
useless. (she gets up and starts crossing the room) I shouldn't even
take you on the hunt.
FatVamp: Great! Why don't you let dead Eddie get your dinner.
Sunday: That's pretty much the plan. (She walks past Eddie, who opens
his eyes at that moment.)
Giles' apartment. Buffy opens the door while knocking. She enters,
closes the door, and walks to the middle of the room. David Bowie is
playing in the background.
Buffy: Giles?
We see an attractive black woman in the kitchen through the opening
over the counter.
Olivine: Rupert, is this Bleu cheese or is it just cheese that's gone
blue? (She reaches the front room and sees Buffy, she appears to be
wearing a shirt and nothing else.) You're not Giles.
Buffy: Uhm... you know the door was open, so I just... uh, Giles does
still live here, right?
Olivia: He does.
Giles coughs in the background and the music cuts off.
Olivia: He appears. (Giles comes out of the hallway. He's wearing a
bathrobe.) Rupert, you have a guest.
Giles: Buffy! Hello.
Buffy: Is this a bad time?
Giles: No! Oh, uh, forgive me. This, uh... this is, uh, Olivia.
She's, uh, an old friend, she's staying here for a few days.
Olivia: Couldn't pass through sunny Cal without looking up ol'
Ripper.
Buffy: Uh huh.
Giles: Buffy's a, uh, was a student of mine. How's, uh, how is
university?
Buffy: Pretty much the same as high school, in the sense that I need
help.
Giles: Ahh... help... yes.
Buffy: But, this just looks like a bad time.
Olivia: No, you guys talk. I'll just go slip into something a little
less comfortable. (She and Giles share a look and she leaves the
room.)
Giles: So, uh, trouble with, uh, studies?
Buffy: This is a bad time.
Giles: You keep saying that.
Buffy: Well it looks pretty bad! I think someone had just a little
too much free time on their hands.
Giles: I'm not supposed to have a private life?
Buffy: No! (In a whiny voice.) 'Cause you're very, very old, and
it's gross.
Giles: Well, before I succumb to the ravages of age, why don't you
tell me what brings you here.
Buffy: There's this student missing.
Giles: Yes?
Buffy: Eddie. He's supposed to have left school but... I just don't
think he did. I met him outside last night, and then I went back
where we met, and it looked there had been a struggle.
Giles: And?
Buffy: And we need to stop this! And Eddie's RA said kids disappear
a lot. There could be a gang of vampires working the campus. We need
research, an-an-and charts and stuff.
Giles: I-I still don't see where I fit in. You haven't described
anything that you can't do yourself.
Buffy: Ok, remember before you became Hugh Hefner when you used to be
a watcher?
Giles: Officially you know longer have a watcher. Buffy, you know
I'll always be hear when you need me. Y-your safety is more
important to me than anything but, you're going to have to take care
of yourself. You're out of school and I can't always be there to
guide you.
Buffy: I'm sorry to bug you.
Giles: Buffy, I...
Buffy: Oh! No! I mean yeah, you're... you're right. I can handle
it. It's just that... I'm on it.
Giles: I-I'm here if you need me. (She leaves.)
Olivia: (Walking into the room.) She's gone?
Giles: Yes.
Olivia: So, did you help her?
Giles: I'm not sure.
Night time, outside. Buffy is walking along and there are students
everywhere.
Buffy: How am I supposed to hunt in this mob? Don't you people have
homes?
She sees a young man walking away, he looks over at her and she sees
that it's Eddie.
Buffy: Eddie?
She runs after him.
Buffy: Eddie! Eddie, hey, wait up!
She catches up with him in a secluded spot next to a bulletin board.
Buffy: God I was worried that something had happened to you...
He turns around all vamped out.
Buffy: ...and of course it has, 'cause you're a vampire. I'm sorry.
Eddie: I'm not.
He attacks. She uses his own momentum to keep him off balance and
stakes him when he charges again. He disappears into dust. Behind
Buffy, Sunday watches from a concrete dais.
Sunday: Slayer! (Buffy turns and sees her.) Wow, uhm, I heard you
might be coming here. (The other vamps come out of hiding and
surround Buffy.) This is, I mean, what a challenge! The slayer!
Buffy: And you are?
Sunday: I'm... I'm Sunday, I'll be killing you here in a minute or
so.
Buffy: You know that threat gets more frightening every time I hear
it.
SpicoliVamp: Uhh... are we gonna fight? Or is there just gonna be a
monster sarcasm rally?
FatVamp: I'm in for a piece.
Buffy: Everybody gets to play.
Sunday: Guys, this is totally mine.
SpicoliVamp: Ok, but you gotta share the eatin'. 'Cause I'm thinkin'
slayer's blood's gotta be--Whoa!--like Thai Stick.
Buffy: I thought people were suppose to get smarter in college?
Sunday: Yeah, I think you had a lot of misconceptions about college.
Like that anyone would be caught dead wearing that.
Buffy looks down at her clothes. When she looks up, Sunday punches
her. Buffy falls and Sunday tries to kick her, but Buffy blocks it
and throws two punches. Sunday ducks one and blocks the other, and
lands another punch, sending Buffy sprawling again. When Buffy tries
to get up Sunday kicks her in the face. Buffy tries to slug her in
the stomach but Sunday grabs her wrist and throws her onto the dais.
Buffy tries to hit back but Sunday grabs her by the throat.
Sunday: Don't take this the wrong way, but... (She punches her in the
face again.) You fight like a girl.
She throws Buffy off the dais and somersaults off. Buffy gets to
her feet and kicks her in the midsection. She misses another kick
to the head but lands one to Sundays face. She throws a punch but
Sunday grabs her arm, swings her around and throws her onto the hood
of a pickup truck parked nearby. Buffy tries to up but Sunday jumps
onto the hood and kicks her in the back, sending her up onto the
roof. Buffy tries a left handed punch but Sunday grabs the wrist,
jumps onto the roof and brings her knee up into the arm. There is a
cracking sound. She throws Buffy, who bounces off the hood onto the
ground. Buffy stands up holding her left arm close to her chest. She
looks at the other vamps, who are smiling, and takes off. She falls
once onto the grass but gets up and runs away. Sunday hops down from
the truck.
Sunday: Freshmen!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Buffy's dorm room, night time. Kathy is snoring again. Buffy is
sitting on her bed, bruised and tending to her arm. She carefully
moves it away from her chest, holding it with her other hand, and
grunts in pain.
Exterior of a building, day time. Buffy opens the door one handed
and exits. She is still bruised. She sees Willow and Oz talking with
another student and avoids them.
Interior, the vamps lair. Through boarded up windows we see that it's
daylight. The vamps are gathered around and laughing. Sunday is
sitting on a couch.
SpicoliVamp: N-n-n-n-no! The best part was when you ragged on her
clothes. She was like, 'No! Not the ensemble!' (All the vamps
laugh.)
Sunday: Those Jeans? With the little patches? She has no one to
blame but herself.
FatVamp: I heard they're coming back.
Sunday: Not if I kill every single person who wears them.
FatVamp: I still think you should've let us have a piece, we could've
finished here off.
Sunday: She's not gonna last the night, she's a done deal. In fact,
guys, you're gonna hit the tunnels.
The Summers residence, daylight. Buffy enters through the kitchen
door, still favoring her left arm.
Buffy: Mom?
She goes upstairs and Joyce, coming out into the hallway, sees her.
Joyce: Buffy.
Buffy: Hi.
Joyce: Honey, how are you? (She hugs her and Buffy hugs back, one
armed.)
Buffy: I'm ok.
Joyce: How's college? You've been fighting.
Buffy: Oh, uh, they started it.
Joyce: Just as long as you're being careful. I-I really
didn't think you'd show up here for a while.
They walk towards Buffy's room.
Buffy: Oh, I didn't have classes today, and everything's just been so
hectic I figured it'd be nice to come and crash for...
They reach her room and Buffy sees that it's crammed with wooden
crates.
Joyce: Oh, well yeah. You know, I-I didn't think you'd be back for a
couple of weeks. Uh, but I didn't move anything, it's still your
room.
Buffy: You filled it with packing crates.
Joyce: Yeah, but I didn't move anything.
Buffy: If it's still my room, shoudn't I still be able to fit in it?
Joyce: Well it's just for a couple of weeks while we do inventory at
the gallery. I just really didn't think you'd be back so soon.
Buffy: Neither did I.
Buffy is walking through the kitchen, heading out, when the phone
rings. She answers it.
Buffy: Hello? Hello? (There's nothing but silence, so she hangs up
and leaves.)
At the dorm, Buffy finds that all of her things are missing. She
walks to the bare bed, picks up a note that's lying there and reads
it.
'This is all just too much for me. I have decided to take off. Sorry
I didn't have time to say goodbye but I need to be by myself. Good
luck this year. Buffy'
She sits on her bed holding the note.
The Bronze. There's a band on stage playing a slow, sad song. Buffy
enters and looks around not seeing anyone she knows. She walks over
to a couch and spots a man across the room turned three quarters away
from her that looks like Angel. He turns enough so that she can see
his face and it isn't him.
Xander: The whole world in front of her, and she comes back to this
dive.
She turns around and sees him.
Buffy: Xander! (She gives him a one-armed hug.)
Xander: Hey, Buff.
Buffy: Oh, when did you get back?
Xander: Couple days ago.
Buffy: You freak of nature. Why didn't you call me?
Xander: Well I knew you guys were starting the whole college
adventure and I didn't want to, um, you know... help you move.
Buffy: I missed you. How was your trip? Is America nice? I hear
it's nice.
Xander: There's some purple mountains majesty, I'm gonna have to say.
Buffy: What'd you do? What'd you see?
Xander: Well...
Buffy: Tell me!
Xander: 'Grand Canyon!'
Buffy: You saw the Grand Canyon!
Xander: Well, I saw the movie 'Grand Canyon,' on cable. Really lame.
Buffy: Hunh?
Xander: Basically, I got as far as Oxnard and the engine fell out of
my car, and that was literally. So, I ended up washing dishes at
'The Fabulous Ladies Night Club' for about a month and a half while I
tried to pay for the repairs. No one really bothered me or even
spoke to me until one night when one of the male strippers called in
sick and no power on this earth will make me tell you the rest of
that story. Suffice to say I traded my car in for one that wasn't
entirely made of rust, came trundling back home to the arms of my
loving parents, where everything was exactly as it was except I
sleep in the basement and I have to pay rent. How's college?
Buffy: Male strippers?
Xander: No power on this earth!
Buffy: Ok. College is good.
Xander: Ok, uh, once more with even less feeling.
Buffy: No, really! I-I mean, Willow's in heaven and Oz has this
really cool house off campus with the band. (They both sit on the
couch.)
Xander: And you're sitting here alone at the Bronze looking like you
just got diagnosed with cancer of the puppy.
Buffy: It's just... there was this vampire, and she took me down, and
I just... I don't know how to stop her.
Xander: Then where's the gang? Avengers assemble! Let's get it
going!
Buffy: No, I don't want to bug them. I mean they're just starting
school, and they don't need this.
Xander: Ok Buff, what's the 'what' here?
Buffy: It's just, what if I can't cut it?
Xander: Can't cut what? Slaying?
Buffy: Slaying, everything.
Xander: Buffy, this is all about fear. It's understandable, but you
can't let it control you. 'Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to
hate. Hate leads to anger.' No wait, hold on. 'Fear leads to hate.
Hate leads to the dark side.' Hold on, no, umm, 'First you get the
wimmin, then you get the money, then you...' okay, can we forget
that?
Buffy: Thanks for the Dadaist pep talk, I feel much more abstract
now.
Xander: The point is, you're Buffy.
Buffy: Yeah, maybe in high school I was Buffy.
Xander: And now in college you're Betty Louise?
Buffy: Yeah, I'm Betty Louise Plotnick of East Cupcake, Illinois.
Or I might as well be.
Xander gets up and crouches down in front of her.
Xander: Buffy, I've gone through some fairly dark times in my life,
faced some scary things, among them the kitchen at 'The Fabulous
Ladies Night Club.' Let me tell you something, when it's dark and
I'm all alone and I'm scared or freaked out or whatever, I always
think, 'What would Buffy do?' You're my hero. Ok, sometimes when
it's dark and I'm all alone I think, 'What is Buffy wearing?'
Buffy: Can that be one of those things you never, ever, tell me
about?
Xander: It's a deal. (He stands up.) Let's put this bitch in the
ground! What do you say?
She holds out her right hand and he helps her up.
Buffy: I think I say thank you.
Xander: And nothing says thank you like dollars in the waistband.
Ok, what do we do first?
Interior. Some type of office with a computer and file cabinets.
The glass in the door is broken, Buffy's at the counter working the
computer and Xander is examining newspapers at a desk.
Buffy: Kids disappearing every year. Not too many, just enough so
that everyone thinks they up and left.
Xander: I can't believe the vampires took your stuff. Murder I
expect, but petty larceny seems so... petty.
Buffy: They have to be keeping it somewhere, on campus or at least
near by.
Xander: Hey, how far back do the disappearances go?
Buffy types at the keyboard, we see she's still not using her left
arm.
Buffy: Uhh... they weren't too common before '82.
Xander: Match number! Check this out. (He carries two newspapers
over to the counter, and Buffy picks one up and reads it aloud.)
Buffy: 'Psi Theta loses it's charter. Building to be closed for
renovation.'
Xander: 1982. Look at this. (He reads from the other paper.)
'Former Psi Theta fraternity house lies dormant while zoning issues
drag on before the city council.' We have a winner.
Buffy: Looks pretty cherry.
Xander: You up for a little reconnaissance?
Buffy: You mean where we all sculpt and paint and stuff?
Xander: No, that was the renaissance.
Buffy: Oh. I've had a really long week. Let's go look at the house.
Nighttime. Exterior of a building with signs posted reading 'This
Property Closed to the Public' and 'Keep Out.' Buffy and Xander
arrive. Up on the roof, Buffy clears some debris from the skylight
she is laying on. The vamps can be seen inside going through Buffy's
things. Xander works his way to the skylight.
Buffy: Score!
Sunday is holding a skirt up to herself and mockingly shaking her
hips.
Sunday: (In a mocking voice.) Look how tough I am.
Buffy: Oh! That's my skirt! You're never going to fit in it with
those hips! We have to kill them!
Xander: We need weapons.
Buffy: I don't see my weapons trunk down there. It was right by my
bed. Mr. Gordo? (Her voice turns to steele.) Go to my room. If
it's not there try Willow's. I'll keep an eye... my diary?!?
SpicoliVamp: Uh-oh, score!
Xander: I'll hurry! (He works his way back from the skylight.)
Buffy: Laugh all you want, this time we play it my way. And the
rules are just going to be a little bit... (The skylight gives way
and Buffy falls into the room.)
Buffy: (Hitting the floor.) Unh! (The vamps all stop what they're
doing and look at her.) Ahh. Ah. (She looks up at the vamps.) Oh.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Sunday: Say, don't I know you from... beating the crap out of you?
Buffy: (Standing up.) I just thought I'd drop in. Get it? Drop in?
Boy, tough room.
Sunday: I must say, you've really got me now. I mean, it's a
diabolical plan, throw yourself at my feet with a broken arm and no
weapons of any kind. How'm I going to get out of this one?
Buffy: You got a nice set-up here, but you made one mistake.
Sunday: Yeah? What was that?
Buffy: Well, I'm not actually positive, but statistically speaking
people usually make at least... (Sunday punches her.)
Kathy, Oz and Willow are in Buffy's and Kathy's dorm room.
Kathy: It seems kind of weird. (She hands the note to Oz.)
Oz: Yeah, weird's a pretty good word for it.
Willow: Buffy wouldn't just take off, th-that's just not in her
nature. Except for that one time she disappeared for several months
and changed he name, but there were circumstances then. There's no
circumstances.
Kathy: Does Buffy have a history of emotional problems? 'Cause on my
request form I was pretty specific about a stable non-smoker.
Oz: I don't think this is her handwriting.
Willow: I bet there were circumstances! We've probably been so
wrapped up in our own petty lives that... that we totally missed the
circumstances. We're bad friends!
Oz: Let's think this through.
Willow: How can you be so calm?
Oz: Long, arduous hours of practice. Now either Buffy took off, or
she was robbed, or...
Xander: It's a prank!
Willow: Xander!
Xander walks into the room with arms spread wide.
Xander: How are my guys? (He hugs Willow, then hugs Kathy.) I don't
know you, do I?
Kathy: No.
Xander: This is very intrusive, isn't it?
Kathy: Little bit. (Xander let's her go.)
Xander: Xander.
Kathy: Kathy.
Xander: (Looks at Oz.) Do we hug?
Oz: I think we're too manly.
Willow: What's the prank?
Xander: Prank? Oh, the room. Well some friends of Buffy's played a
funny joke, and they took her stuff. And now she wants us to help
get it back from her friends who sleep all day and have no tans.
Willow: Oh! Those friends!
Oz: Funny guys.
Xander looks around the bed.
Xander: They took the chest. Well, let's go! Let's go to our
friend. It's nice meeting you Kathy.
Xander, Oz and Willow leave.
Kathy: You too!
Outside in the hall.
Xander: Let's go to Will's, get supplies.
Willow: Is Buffy in danger?
Xander: She's in a holding pattern, we've got some time.
Vamps lair. Buffy falls as she gets hit again. On the floor, she
looks over and sees her trunk. She starts to crawl toward it.
Sunday steps in front of her holding Buffy's 'Class Protector' award.
Sunday: Oh, and this. This is my favorite item.
Buffy: You don't want to touch that.
Sunday drops it on the floor and stomps down on the handle, breaking
it. She moves over to Buffy and grabs her left arm.
Sunday: You know this arm's not looking so good. It might have to
come off.
Buffy: You want to know the truth? I only need one.
She hits Sunday with a roundhouse punch with her right fist, sending
her spinning. She rolls to her feet and kicks Sunday in the face and
flips her over the couch onto the coffee table. She catches some
broken wood from the coffee table with her foot and kicks Sunday in
the face with it. Sunday falls into a pile of clutter.
SpicoliVamp: This is startin' to suck.
Sunday gets up all vamped out. FatVamp runs in to help. Buffy grabs
a tennis racket, steps onto the arm of a chair and roundhouse kicks
Sunday and does a backhand swing with the racket into FatVamp's face,
sending her flying over the couch and braking the frame off the racket
making a perfect stake. Sunday moves in for some close-in fighting.
A vamp (no doubt frightened by the sight of a vampire slayer with a
stake) decides it's time to leave and moves toward the door, which
opens with Xander in the lead and Oz behind him brandishing a cross
in the vamp's face. They force the vamp back. SpicoliVamp sees Willow
struggling with a crossbow and rushes her. Willow gets the crossbow
up just in time and shoots the bolt through SpicoliVamp's heart.
SpicoliVamp turns to dust, but before he's gone he says one last
thing.
SpicoliVamp: Woah!
Sunday is lying on the floor with Buffy standing above her.
Buffy: When you look back at this, in the three seconds it'll take
you to turn to dust, (FatVamp decides it's a good time to leave and
runs out.) I think you'll find the mistake was touching my stuff.
Sunday gets to her feet and rushes Buffy, who swings one-armed at
her which Sunday blocks, eventually catching the arm in a hold.
Sunday: What about breaking your arm, (She grabs at Buffy's left arm)
how'd that feel.
Buffy: Let me answer that with a head butt. (She does and sends
Sunday staggering.)
Xander faces off with a vamp. Oz, behind the vamp, hits him on the
head with a cross, then ducks down. When the vamp turns, Xander
pushes him over Oz who straightens up and flips the vamp onto his
back. Xander moves in for the kill and stakes him. He turns to dust.
Buffy: And for the record, (Buffy makes a fist with her left hand.)
the arm is hurt, (She uppercuts Sunday, sending her flying.) not
broken.
Another vamp, wearing a black tee shirt with a skull on it, takes off.
Besides Sunday, there are no more vamps left in the house. The gang
comes up behind Buffy.
Oz: Hey, Buff. Need a hand?
Buffy: (Brandishing a stake with a twirl.) No thanks, (She twists
around throwing the stake into Sunday's heart.) I'm good.
Sunday shakes her head and puts her hands on her hips as she turns to
dust. Buffy goes over and retrieves her 'Class Protector' award.
The gang leaves the house carrying Buffy's stuff in boxes, Xander
carrying her trunk.
Xander: So, all that other stuff in there? That's just gonna sit in
there, right? Uh, I mean, no one owns it in the strictest sense.
Oz: It seems wrong, somehow.
Xander: Dibs on the rowing machine.
Giles: Buffy!
Giles runs up carrying a crossbow in one hand and in his other he has
a cross and a battle axe.
Willow: Hi, Giles.
Xander: What's with the arsenal?
Giles: I've been awake all night. I know I'm supposed to teach you
self-reliance, but I can't leave you out there to fight alone. To
hell with what's right, I'm ready to back you up. Let's find the
evil a-and fight it together.
Buffy: Great! Thanks! We'll get right on that.
They step around him and continue on their way.
Giles: The evil is this way? (He follows.)
Buffy: My room is.
Willow: Hey Giles, could you get this box on top? (He does.)
Xander: So, college not so scary after all, hunh?
Buffy: It's turning out to be a lot like high school, which I can
handle. At least I know what to expect.
Elsewhere. The vamp with the skull on his tee shirt is sneaking from
tree to tree. He starts across a clear spot when he hears something
and turns. Two darts from a tazer hit the skull design right above
the eye sockets. The vamp convulses and goes down, but still
conscious. From cover, three figures in camouflage clothing and masked
faces step forward. One has a coil of rope, another has a pistol and
the third has a rifle. They advance on the vamp.
[Ending credits]